Monday, August 1, 2011

Weariness

Before i proceed to blog about my weariness, let me jst show you another God's wonderful creation,  
the  nature...
This was taken at dawn @ Broga Hills
about to sunrise, a new beginning...
Alrite, back to my story. Sometimes, i wish to turn over anew leaf, being a completely positive and dynamic person as i ever wish for. But deep down inside, i was being hold back, by a low self-esteem me. And seeing someone who is so capable  made me even more upset for myself. Well, i may look successful (in a way), cheerful and positive, but again i m so darn lacking in one thing - that is CONFIDENCE and the ability to socialize. And recently i was being so darn upset being labelled as NO LIFE and lacking ability to COMMUNICATE. These 2 words is enuff to drag my esteem down to ravine, full of thorns.
I m indeed lacking expressiveness, but i m trying hard to catch up, though i sound more like being bold & direct most of the time.
And somehow i hate that the comment was from him. All these while he sees me as a total failure??? Duh! I dun wish to appear 'tiny' and 'incapable' in front of him. I want to be seen as a classy, elegant, nice-to-approach-person, and somewhat intellectual, someone who is full of charisma. But now i m at the losing end. I felt like a loser. It 'seems' (or I 'felt') as if i have lose out to my "unknown" competitor.
I hope i could proof him wrong, but again i wish he could be patient enuff to wait. Will he?

1 comment:

John A Hill said...

Here's a perspective from an older man half-way around the world:

You began this post with a picture of God's beautiful creation. For another look at His beautiful work, take a look in the mirror! You are a wondrous work of God and can be confident in His love for you.

God creates each one of us to bring glory to His name; to show off His great work. It's as if God places us before people to say, "Look what I've created. Isn't she (or he) beautiful?"

I know that we all have different strengths and weaknesses. I enjoy your writing and your posts from the other side of the globe. I'm not sure how I found your blog or started reading it so long ago, but I have enjoyed it very much. (I especially like all of the different foods that you show and the cultural differences that I see through your posts.) I think that you are a wonderful and pretty young woman (and I'm pretty sure that God does, too!).

Keep writing. All is well, my Asian friend.

John <><

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