Before i proceed to blog about my weariness, let me jst show you another God's wonderful creation,
This was taken at dawn @ Broga Hills
about to sunrise, a new beginning...
Alrite, back to my story. Sometimes, i wish to turn over anew leaf, being a completely positive and dynamic person as i ever wish for. But deep down inside, i was being hold back, by a low self-esteem me. And seeing someone who is so capable made me even more upset for myself. Well, i may look successful (in a way), cheerful and positive, but again i m so darn lacking in one thing - that is CONFIDENCE and the ability to socialize. And recently i was being so darn upset being labelled as NO LIFE and lacking ability to COMMUNICATE. These 2 words is enuff to drag my esteem down to ravine, full of thorns.
I m indeed lacking expressiveness, but i m trying hard to catch up, though i sound more like being bold & direct most of the time.
And somehow i hate that the comment was from him. All these while he sees me as a total failure??? Duh! I dun wish to appear 'tiny' and 'incapable' in front of him. I want to be seen as a classy, elegant, nice-to-approach-person, and somewhat intellectual, someone who is full of charisma. But now i m at the losing end. I felt like a loser. It 'seems' (or I 'felt') as if i have lose out to my "unknown" competitor.
I hope i could proof him wrong, but again i wish he could be patient enuff to wait. Will he?